She treated me as:
Miss Priss
Sellout bitch!
Was she talking to me? I heard her counting the number of others like us on the bus. One, she spat.
She was talking to me.
He finds my hand, filling the space between each of my fingers with his own. I grin. I can’t help it.
What? he says with a smile.
Nothin.
What? he says with a smile.
Nothin.
I look back at his hand and mine. Pretty.
That must have pissed her off. Seeing me smile at a white guy. Yeah, I’m sure it did.
I’ve dated a black guy.
He learned me, studied my moves, my moods,
the way my eyes shift when I have something to say,
but I’m afraid to say it.
He learned me, studied my moves, my moods,
the way my eyes shift when I have something to say,
but I’m afraid to say it.
Then used me: got what he wanted and moved on.
‘Til he wanted some more.
Bastard.
(I shouldn’t say that. I’m sure his mom is a nice lady. He did love his mother.)
‘Til he wanted some more.
Bastard.
(I shouldn’t say that. I’m sure his mom is a nice lady. He did love his mother.)
Other black guys who tried to date me were the same:
arrogant, self-centered sons-of-bitches (my apologies, ma’ams)
who think they’re God’s gifts to this earth
and thought I should be truly delighted
that a black man with a job and a sex drive
is even interested in me.
And when I’m not interested,
I’m crazy.
I’m a bitch.
Our stop is next, I whisper. We get up, along with half the bus and head out the back door.
arrogant, self-centered sons-of-bitches (my apologies, ma’ams)
who think they’re God’s gifts to this earth
and thought I should be truly delighted
that a black man with a job and a sex drive
is even interested in me.
And when I’m not interested,
I’m crazy.
I’m a bitch.
Our stop is next, I whisper. We get up, along with half the bus and head out the back door.
He leaves before me.
Sellout bitch!
My foot halfway out the door, I turn back, match my eyes with hers.
Excuse me, but what the hell do you mean by Sellout Bitch?
I means youse a sellout bitch, BITCH!
Yeah, I get that part, but why am I a sellout bitch?
I mean, pardon my ignorance, but I just want to be sure I understand what you’re yelling at me about.
I mean, pardon my ignorance, but I just want to be sure I understand what you’re yelling at me about.
Cause I seen you hugging all up on the little white boy.
Youse a sellout! You know you should be wit a good black man!
Youse a sellout! You know you should be wit a good black man!
Oh! Is that it! Then where is your ‘good black man’? Where’s he at?
That ain’t noneya damn business, bitch! We talkin’ about you!
Well then, since we are talking about me, let me tell you something. I’m done looking for a color.
I’ve been looking for a color for more than half my life cause people like you say I should.
Fuck color.
I’m looking for a match. Good luck finding yours.
I’ve been looking for a color for more than half my life cause people like you say I should.
Fuck color.
I’m looking for a match. Good luck finding yours.
Great, right?
Yep, sure woulda been.
Yep, sure woulda been.
Was she talking to you? He grabs my hand as my foot touches concrete.
I donno.